Returning to the Banquet
When I look at life in a metaphorical way, I see it as a banquet. I picture a long table covered with countless dishes to be sampled. We humans that are engaged with living life are the diners. We get to peruse what is being offered and choose what we want from the banquet at any given moment.
Typically, I would be sampling all sorts of delectable options from the LIFE BANQUET. Not only would I go back to fill my plate with some things I have had enjoyed in the past, but I would also tend to look for something new, that I have not yet experienced. In the past, I have always enjoyed surprises, so I am naturally attracted to whatever may be new on the table.
What I am currently noticing as I continue to recover from my final Chemo is that I am a bit timid to fill my plate. It is as if I can’t fully trust I can handle what I used to handle. What if my plate gets too heavy to carry? What if I am too afraid to move to the part of the banquet where the really juicy and delicious stuff of life is being served?
So, even though I am very hungry for life, instead of going full throttle to experience some of the rich, filling dishes that are available, I am hanging out at the end of the table that has small bites. These small bites represent tastes of the bigger stuff yet to come but are not as satisfying. It’s almost as if I am in a state of training to re-enter the life I used to live.
Since I don’t have the energy or the confidence to commit to a totally full plate, I will continue to nibble on my small bites of life until my strength and stamina are at a level where I can feel confident enough to take on more.
It has been nearly six months of living on a schedule around chemo treatments that left me with very few feel-good days before I would have to go back and start the process all over again. Now that I have reached the point in the journey that all I have to do is recover from the last blast of chemicals and upcoming surgery, I can begin to dream about what it would be like to fill myself up with all the delectable choices I used to enjoy on a regular basis.
Clearly, the important thing for me to remember is my plate will be full again. It will be filled with some of the old and familiar things and lots of new surprises. I’m simply not quite ready to return to the full banquet option.
The LIFE BANQUET has something for everyone, so we can’t lose, we just need to choose what will go down easy right now.
Pass the hot sauce. I anticipate I will be choosing spicy options very soon.