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Month: March 2019

The Elusivity of Desire

As a healthy person (pre-cancer and pre-chemo) desire made regular appearances in my life. For me, having desire was a healthy sign of being alive and engaged with the world. My desires gave me a feeling of being aligned with my purpose and provided me with something to dream about as well as guidance on where I could best spend my time and energy. Desire and energy have always been equal partners. One could not exist without the other. Sometimes desire showed up first, other times, energy led the way.… Read more The Elusivity of Desire

Givers and Receivers

At any given time over the course of our physical life times, we are in a position to either be of service to our fellow humans (giver), or in need of help from our fellow humans (receiver). When we are children we are total receivers, although we may provide love and joy to our caregivers, we are dependent on the loving kindness of those around us. If we are lucky, we are well taken care of and receive everything we need to grow up healthy and happy and eventually become… Read more Givers and Receivers


It is now Day 11 post Chemo #4 and although this round started out surprisingly easier than the others, it turned out to be one of the most challenging courses due to prolonged severe fatigue complicated by a low level of Magnesium. Since I spent a lot of time incapacitated and unable to accomplish anything of any physical importance, to amuse myself I focused on simply noticing the surprises I have experienced since my diagnosis and treatment. For my list I will begin at the beginning, a fitting place, it… Read more Surprise!

Being Like a Lizard

It is day #4 post Chemo treatment #4. I am surprised and very happy to report that although I don’t have even half of my usual energy, the ick I typcially expereience at this point and for several days beyond, is much less. I fully expected and was prepared to be residing in my usual dark hole for another 5 days or so. It may seem odd to be celebrating simply not being as sick as usual, but for me, it is astounding since every “feel good day” (or even… Read more Being Like a Lizard

Cancer and Politics: How to Navigate Both Without Losing Your Joy

Since I am simultaneously navigating my own journey through cancer and treatment as well as experiencing a highly volatile political time in our country, I am noting some similarities in how to maintain emotional balance that will support my wellbeing, rather than destroy it. Shortly before my diagnosis I announced to my Facebook friends that I was going to take a break from being a regular poster other than managing our business page and a private group I monitor. I had noticed that my time spent on social media had… Read more Cancer and Politics: How to Navigate Both Without Losing Your Joy

It Could Be Worse

I have two days left before I return to the Cancer Center for my fourth Chemo treatment. With each of my previous treatments I experienced an array of atypical complications and side effects, so I am challenged to stay positive and optimistic about what is to come. It feels like I have two days before I go to the gallows. How will I spend this time of freedom? How can I face what is to come knowing that with each treatment, side effects can tend to worsen? Since my last… Read more It Could Be Worse

Turning the Corner

Since my breast cancer/Chemo experience began, I have found myself repeatedly being in a position of waiting to turn the corner from an icky-sicky state to feeling vibrantly healthy, which was my pre-cancer/chemo normal. When I am in my Chemo recovery stage I can actually visualize myself walking down a street that is dark, ominous and uncomfortable due to adverse elements surrounding me. I can do my best to protect myself from these elements, but still, I feel beaten down by them. I feel weak and not at all like… Read more Turning the Corner

The Chemo Cha Cha

One of the big lessons I’m learning in receiving Chemo is that the whole experience is like a dance. It feels as if the partners in this dance are my body (that physically feels the impact of the chemicals) and my spirit/mind (that has some influence on how I deal with the physical). The tempo and moves in the Chemo Cha Cha can vary from moment to moment depending on which part of me leads and which part follows. No matter what, it is impossible to predict ahead what the… Read more The Chemo Cha Cha