The Chemo Cha Cha

One of the big lessons I’m learning in receiving Chemo is that the whole experience is like a dance.

It feels as if the partners in this dance are my body (that physically feels the impact of the chemicals) and my spirit/mind (that has some influence on how I deal with the physical).

The tempo and moves in the Chemo Cha Cha can vary from moment to moment depending on which part of me leads and which part follows. No matter what, it is impossible to predict ahead what the dance will look like in any future moment.

Both my body and my mind need to stay present and feel the beat and then move in a way that will serve the dance, making it as seamless as possible.

My mind/spirit needs to respect my body and dance with it not against it. For the dance to be seamless, there must be a willingness to be in the moment which does not allow for forcing or resisting.

Forcing a particular dance move in the Chemo Cha-Cha has been my unfortunate tendency at times. Since I have a history of wanting to be in control so an outcome or timing will match my ultimate desire, I can tend to become attached to a series of dance moves to go in a certain way, especially if that series of moves had occurred previously with success.

I have failed repeatedly in using this method and am beginning to see that with each Chemo treatment, new challenging steps can be introduced. I cannot keep up with the music if I am using moves from three weeks ago in an attempt to reproduce a dance that will never happen exactly in the same way again.

As I continue to dance my own personal Chemo Cha Cha, I will do my best to be present in each moment, to be as graceful as possible and learn some new moves along the way that may be useful in other dances after Chemo.

16 Comments »

    • Today I feel like dancing. It was a rougher than expected week, which inspired my Cha Cha metaphor. Two steps forward…one step back…Cha Cha Cha πŸ™‚

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  1. The attachment to prior steps, and repete… oiy! New dance! Best wishes for all of your new dances, my dearest Kate! Loving and celebrating you from Mill Valley!

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  2. As I was reading this, I couldn’t help but think back to the musical β€œUnbeatable”! Love your posts, and look forward to each one as you continue your unbeatable journey!

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    • Thanks, Michele…Yes, I think of Unbeatable often too. There are so many women and men that have gone before me and have Triumphed….so I can too. πŸ™‚

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  3. Our dances change day to day…your words inspire Kate….thanks for letting us dance with you! Beauty for ashes. Be blessed my friend!!πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ™πŸ™

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  4. I love the dance analogy for chemo, you always seem to find a way to move with grace and flair πŸ’— thru this treatment process! I’m so proud of you Kate, your strength is amazing!

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    • Thanks for the “amazing” compliment, Tami. Right now I feel far from amazing. The good news is that could change tomorrow. πŸ™‚

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  5. What a great perspective and one we can all use. I hope the dance you are creating is becoming more fascinating than frustrating. Sending you some cool and crazy healing moves. Love and blessings, Susan

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    • Thank you, Susan! You just made me smile with cool and crazy healing moves, so I am feeling more amused than frustrated right now. ❀

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  6. I like your dance metaphor–especially the need to give yourself over to the rhythm and tempo instead of fighting it or wishing it was different. And, although the Cha Cha is a positive, high-energy dance appropriate for your joyful dynamism, I’m thinking that a serene and graceful waltz would also be an apt choice. In any case, keep on dancing! Love, Larry

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  7. Ahhhh….thank you for the suggestion of a waltz being my metaphorical dance. Perhaps once I turn the corner and head down “easy” street, rather than the two steps forward, one step back rhythm of a Cha Cha, a waltz will be a match to the peace I await. ❀

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