Once again, I am paused. Like a machine that typically runs smoothly and efficiently, but temporarily has the pause button pushed. I know I will be up and running like a top once again, so I will patiently wait.

I pause and wait for the chemo drugs to do their thing. To flow through my body killing cancer cells while I nap or soak in a deep hot bath.

I pause and wait for my white blood cells to regenerate due to the Neulasta injection so my immune system can be given another kickstart and protect me from infections.

I pause and wait for my appetite to make a reappearance, which will be a signal that my normal energy and hunger for life has returned.

I pause and wait for all of my bodily processes to sort themselves out and get back to normal.

I pause and wait to feel good again. I know I will. I did before. Pausing is simply part of the cancer treatment deal.

Since I prefer to be at peace as I pause, I must remember that I cannot will or rush my body to behave in any other way than what it is right now. To pause means to wait, not to force.

I can rest. I can do my best to eat small meals. I can sip ginger tea and patiently wait for the pause button to automatically shut off and the ALIVE button to go on, so that is what I will do.


  1. You may be in pause mode, but your body is in full healing mode, working hard- doing what it needs to do to get you back to your delightful self! Thinking of you, my wonderfully inspirational friend! You’re amazing, and cancer has met its match!


  2. Wow…you just made me smile from the inside-out, Cath! What a great perspective about healing being fully on and it is simply my exterraneous activities that are paused. Thank you! ā¤


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